[There is a MIGHTY NEED to distract oneself from this exhausting business of being miserable all the time. War is hell, etc etc, and they haven't even properly hit the war part. So with no further adieu (and after remembering that unlike the rest of these future hooligans she probably doesn't prefer text) he gives the lady a ring.
Okay there's some adieu. Courtesy of Peter Sellers, calling in to cancel his manservant's staged attack for the night.]
[ Understandable. But at least her brand of misery is one that she's used to. Sitting in the dark and quiet, doing nothing while everyone else runs around outside. It's fine... That being said, however zoned out she is, she does make a verbal leap for the phone at its first ring. ]
[ Scribes be damned she's so bored she might actually go along with... whatever this is. It's no Voice of the Archjustice, but it's snobbish enough to invoke it well. ]
I dare say, has the Overseer unearthed us another criminal's nest to fumble through while the city stirs, O Venerable Inspector?
[ Well....... You almost succeeded in talking dirty to her. ]
Choking them out in their sleep, I see. Not a bad plan, by any means, though the execution could use more than a little work...
I would instead propose, perhaps, the release of some flesh-eating insects? Or barring that, a simply unpleasant number of spiders to give them skin-crawling nightmares for the remainder of their slumber.
[What's dirtier than poop? Oil spills? Lower your standards Sandra.]
Ah — vehry clevahr! It 'ad been my inclination to wait unteel they are awakened to exact a more physicale revenge, but ze spiders are a nice touch. Zeir slumber should be feelled with torment!
Beggars cannot be choosers, Inspector. Knowing not when they will wake should not exempt them from judgment. Once we find them, I would see them suffer as long as possible for what they've done.
That being settled, what are we to do with the victim?
Hhmmmm...Perhaps we ought to altehrnate the insects on a weekly basis, and change out ze smell. I 'ave a dead fish just par-fehct for such a thing!
[is the jig up so soon? and smoothly, in his own voice now:]
Well I've been combing through the library for all kinds of witchery and potion fixes, but nothing looks like it'll apply. In the meantime, what's the policy on visitation for a girl in your situation?
I shall brainstorm a most devilish list of creatures to gather... You focus on those smells.
[ Look she might have endured 800 years of lonely, slow-burn torture, but no human alive can entertain more than a few minutes of conversation like this. ]
Your dedication is admirable, my dear. But, in my situation, so long as the doors are open or someone is around to answer them. Have they lent you a key to the apartment yet? It seems at this rate that they ought to.
[The joke was wearing thin anyway, and he knows for a fact she's never seen a minute of the blessing that was the Pink Panther.]
Not to the new place, no, I've been staying out of the way for the most part. I'll miss being neighbors but I'd hate to overstay my welcome. Too much of a good thing is bad for them.
[Because he was blessing them with his presence. Not because he was a horrifically lonely old man with no close friends around...]
[ Maybe show listen her and she'll understand a little more of why you are so... the way that you are, Richie. ]
Well, rectify that, will you? Silence, I will endure, but it seems as if the place is wont to echo without all its little nuisances scurrying in at all hours. And I will have one less visitor that I must middleman into my life.
[ Which comes curtly enough, as if her inconvenience is his entirely to fix, but as she continues, her voice quiets, ever slightly. ]
Things as they are, I do not foresee myself venturing outside for quite some time.
[ Impressive that he can do that while keeping her on the line. I can barely text and call as a millennial. ]
I mean that I had my spot, more or less, for 800 odd years. Wagons came and crumbled, but I had my spot in each. Perhaps the thieving has been less than pleasant, but it has been a nice change of pace, these past few months. Being toted around and gotten into nonsense.
[ Being thought of enough to be greeted and farewelled at the door. Being welcome and useful. Just whenever she is sure that it feels real, it seems to slip just through her fingers. ]
[he...practiced....probably....he's not so old that he can't learn.... that will come
He feels a touch uneasy at the anecdote. Richie is simultaneously hyper aware and yet abysmally oblivious to her plight. Remembering that she'd do better with text, but forgetting what she might consider 'spoiling.' He wonders if she's ever just been dropped behind a rock in a desert, left to languish until some curious fellow trotted by on horseback.
Outlandish. But sad. Strikingly so.]
Oh boy, you just say the word Sandy, and I'll take you on all the tours you could need. We need to get up to something that isn't solely sneaking and prying.
Hence why I'm calling you. I've got a little something for you, actually.
[ And worse still, she has been buried in the desert. Then picked up, dusted off, and put to use again without so much as a “How have you been?” That hardly matters now, though. His enthusiasm is infectious enough to scatter the thoughts outright for the moment. ]
Do you now, for me? Well, do not leave me in suspense any longer than you must. I am not getting any younger, you know.
[ Go fetch that key, boy. She’ll put in some words if she must. ]
[Tell him more about it. He's actually good at listening, in spite of all odds.
And you're lucky, i just got permish to say yusuke will lend him a key]
Yeah, but unlike the rest of us you're not getting any older. You know I found a grey ball hair once? You know the game's over when your pubes are turning.
Hold on for a tick and you'll find out. The kid's gonna lend me a key. I'll be over shortly, hang tight cutie.
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voice; un: rtozier, ukw i'm starting this as texts first then we can log, howboutdat
Okay there's some adieu. Courtesy of Peter Sellers, calling in to cancel his manservant's staged attack for the night.]
Catooooo? Caaatooo? Is that you?
ye!!
[ Even if it is just nonsense... Hello Richie. ]
Who wishes to know?
no subject
Whoooo? Eet is I! Inspector Cloo-seau, your employehrr!
no subject
[ Scribes be damned she's so bored she might actually go along with... whatever this is. It's no Voice of the Archjustice, but it's snobbish enough to invoke it well. ]
I dare say, has the Overseer unearthed us another criminal's nest to fumble through while the city stirs, O Venerable Inspector?
no subject
Indeed! Thar ees a crime most hane-us, and we must rrrectify eet!
Some dee-spicable piece du merde has locked a hwo-man away...for all etehrneety...
no subject
What a dreadful sentence, I could not possibly imagine the horror...
How do you propose we bring these fiends to justice?
no subject
Second!
We devise a method of intehr-ferring with their ventilation, replacing ze clean air with—
[Drum roll please]
— a bag of doggie sheet!
no subject
Choking them out in their sleep, I see. Not a bad plan, by any means, though the execution could use more than a little work...
I would instead propose, perhaps, the release of some flesh-eating insects? Or barring that, a simply unpleasant number of spiders to give them skin-crawling nightmares for the remainder of their slumber.
no subject
Ah — vehry clevahr! It 'ad been my inclination to wait unteel they are awakened to exact a more physicale revenge, but ze spiders are a nice touch. Zeir slumber should be feelled with torment!
no subject
Beggars cannot be choosers, Inspector. Knowing not when they will wake should not exempt them from judgment. Once we find them, I would see them suffer as long as possible for what they've done.
That being settled, what are we to do with the victim?
[ ok what do you want ]
no subject
[is the jig up so soon? and smoothly, in his own voice now:]
Well I've been combing through the library for all kinds of witchery and potion fixes, but nothing looks like it'll apply. In the meantime, what's the policy on visitation for a girl in your situation?
no subject
[ Look she might have endured 800 years of lonely, slow-burn torture, but no human alive can entertain more than a few minutes of conversation like this. ]
Your dedication is admirable, my dear. But, in my situation, so long as the doors are open or someone is around to answer them. Have they lent you a key to the apartment yet? It seems at this rate that they ought to.
no subject
Not to the new place, no, I've been staying out of the way for the most part. I'll miss being neighbors but I'd hate to overstay my welcome. Too much of a good thing is bad for them.
[Because he was blessing them with his presence. Not because he was a horrifically lonely old man with no close friends around...]
no subject
showlisten her and she'll understand a little more of why you are so... the way that you are, Richie. ]Well, rectify that, will you? Silence, I will endure, but it seems as if the place is wont to echo without all its little nuisances scurrying in at all hours. And I will have one less visitor that I must middleman into my life.
[ Which comes curtly enough, as if her inconvenience is his entirely to fix, but as she continues, her voice quiets, ever slightly. ]
Things as they are, I do not foresee myself venturing outside for quite some time.
no subject
[He's heard that she's been orb-napped a few times now. Disgraceful.]
No matter how you wring it though, that sounds like a dreadful way to spend the day. Let me see what I can do about a key.
no subject
[ She'll never know what a Doomba is but she would absolutely support it at this rate. ]
It is nothing I am not used to, but I must admit you all have me a bit spoiled.
no subject
Let's hope a few of them have a literal Achilles heel.
[There's some crinkling, some static. He's switching up to send a quick text, give him that house key somebody.]
Hmm? Spoiled? How do you mean?
no subject
I mean that I had my spot, more or less, for 800 odd years. Wagons came and crumbled, but I had my spot in each. Perhaps the thieving has been less than pleasant, but it has been a nice change of pace, these past few months. Being toted around and gotten into nonsense.
[ Being thought of enough to be greeted and farewelled at the door. Being welcome and useful. Just whenever she is sure that it feels real, it seems to slip just through her fingers. ]
no subject
that will comeHe feels a touch uneasy at the anecdote. Richie is simultaneously hyper aware and yet abysmally oblivious to her plight. Remembering that she'd do better with text, but forgetting what she might consider 'spoiling.' He wonders if she's ever just been dropped behind a rock in a desert, left to languish until some curious fellow trotted by on horseback.
Outlandish. But sad. Strikingly so.]
Oh boy, you just say the word Sandy, and I'll take you on all the tours you could need. We need to get up to something that isn't solely sneaking and prying.
Hence why I'm calling you. I've got a little something for you, actually.
no subject
[ And worse still, she has been buried in the desert. Then picked up, dusted off, and put to use again without so much as a “How have you been?” That hardly matters now, though. His enthusiasm is infectious enough to scatter the thoughts outright for the moment. ]
Do you now, for me? Well, do not leave me in suspense any longer than you must. I am not getting any younger, you know.
[ Go fetch that key, boy. She’ll put in some words if she must. ]
no subject
And you're lucky, i just got permish to say yusuke will lend him a key]
Yeah, but unlike the rest of us you're not getting any older. You know I found a grey ball hair once? You know the game's over when your pubes are turning.
Hold on for a tick and you'll find out. The kid's gonna lend me a key. I'll be over shortly, hang tight cutie.